Some of Isaac's latest expressions and favorite phrases:
>>> I am so excited.
>>> I am so happy mommy.
>>> Its going to be so much fun mommy.
>>> I'm having so much fun.
>>> I am having a good day.
>>> I love you mommy, daddy.
>>> WHY?
>>> What are we going to do after that?
>>> Where are we going?
>>> What are we going to do?
>>> Which friends will be at school today?
>>> Which direction are we driving? West? East?
>>> What freeway are we on? 101?
>>> So, let me tell you about ___ mommy.
>>> I need to eat my vegetables so I can grow bigger and bigger and bigger like Fursula.
Favorite song: Under the Sea, There was an old lady who swallowed a fly, Slippery Fish
Favorite Restaurant: Mel's Diner
Seems right around week 32 I have hit a bit of a wall. I am just far enough away from my due date for it to seem like an eternity, and have become majorly uncomfortable in my own skin. The weight gain has slowed to almost nothing because of the crazy amount of indigestion and heartburn I have been experiencing. It has gotten to the point that dinner is nearly impossible, breakfast is a struggle and lunch is my only shot at a good meal. I am up to almost 20 tums a day, and the pain and discomfort has become almost to much to deal with. Breathing has become difficult, I am exhausted and feeling very hormonal. The swelling and puffiness has set in, acne has plagued my entire body, my hips are very sore... and well even the 'fine china' is starting to feel a whole lot of pressure.
Now that I have gotten the complaining out of the way, week 32 was filled with a whole lot of Halloween fun (and work) that helped keep my mind off of some of the discomfort. Isaac's school had their annual Halloween Parade where his class dressed up as dragons and princesses. They also had a Halloween dance party, carnival, AND classroom party. On top of that we were invited to a lovely little Halloween party at Isaac's friend Caitlyn's house, and we had the Gehle's and mom and dad over for dinner and trick or treating. By the time Halloween ended I felt like I had run a marathon, and was ready for some rest.
Most importantly Isaac really enjoyed his Halloween experience. After he understood that his friends were wearing costumes, he enjoyed being Max, and a dragon, and loved trick or treating with Stella. They were precious together, and a reminder of the payoff that all of my discomfort will bring.
As a final weekend getaway mom and i had planned to head up north to SLO for a couple days. I have been wanting to take Isaac to the farmers market there for quite a while, and I always love visiting the central coast town I called home for several years. It gives me an opportunity to revisit restaurants I loved, beaches that I often think about, and is always a good way to slo down for a couple of days. This time around we stayed in Avila beach, and made use of the wonderful calm inlet. Isaac loved running in the water and under the pier. It was seven years ago that David and I took our first trip together, and it was on this very beach that I have very fond memories of getting to know one and other. We did get a chance to enjoy the farmers market, some great meals, and very unseasonably hot weather. I always enjoy the time away with mom and isaac. I felt very aware this time that it was the last time there would be just three of us, and with that came both sadness and excitement. I have been feeling a complex range of emotions over the past week, and ultimately I have concluded I just need to take it day by day. What seems insurmountable now, will be a new reality soon.
I know everything is possible.
aches and pains of week 31: cold, congestion, insomnia, indegestion, swelling in feet and hands at night, difficulty breating, tightness in lower abdomen
This week was a huge push to get the office cleaned out, the garage organized, and the nursery in place. Thank god mom was available to help out a couple days. Together we were able to do a huge amount of work in a short amount of time. The garage is fairly organized, many of the large pieces from the office are now in the garage, and the Nursery has a home. Both David and I were surprised how well it worked out. The printers fit perfectly in the closet, the curtain is a great way to conceal the desks, and the room feels spacious and lovely. David and Isaac painted over the weekend bringing a new life to the room with a rosey coral hue. I think for David this made everything seem all the more real (as if the huge belly wasn't enough of a reminder of our #2 to come). Many of my anxieties about preparing the space have been put to rest, and I have been enjoying working in my new little nest. As for the cherry on top... the room is complete with dolls that I so adore they make me smile everytime I see them.
aches and pains of week 30: indegestion, swelling in feet and hands at night, difficulty breating, tightness in lower abdomen
WELCOME!!! Theodore Tommaso Barillaro & Marchello Antonio Barillaro were born September 28th. Mom managed to avoid a c-section, and the boys are healthy and happy. We cant wait to meet you!!!
Somehow over the past week or so Isaac has started calling David 'Dad' instead of 'Daddy'. I for the most part am still mommy with the occasional mom. We are trying to figure out where it came from, or where we picked it up... but it does make us chuckle when he says it. "Dad... where are you. Dad, come here. DAD!" It sounds too grown up for our liking, and we know it will swing in and out of dad (dy) for a long while, but for now just another reminder that he is growing up all to fast.
Something clicked a couple weeks ago, and Isaac has been successfully pottying in the toilet time and time again. We are no longer wearing diapers for naps, and he tells us pretty reliably when he needs to go. He definitely prefers to stand for #1, so we have opted for a step stool instead of using the kiddie potty we started with. It seems over the past week #2 has really clicked as well. He understands that he needs to sit to do it, and tends to go back and forth to his little potty several times before he is ready to commit. Ultimately he does go, and then stands up and analyzes his hard work. It always 'looks like ...". Yesterday it looked like a 'snail'. Today it looked like a 'rocket'. David and I simply smile and agree. As far as we are concerned it can look like anything he dreams to imagine... as longs as it lands in the potty.
589 miles. 5 days. more to come.
These past weeks have been a whirlwind. I will say that right around week 26 I felt completely exhausted. So much so that I called Dr. Rabin to ask if I should get my iron drawn, or if there was anything that could be causing it. He said yes, you have a toddler and you are pregnant. I thought for a while and realized he is probably right. With my first pregnancy I wasn't working. I could put my feet up and relax whenever I felt necessary. I took naps and really took care of myself. This time around is a totally different story. I am running back and forth to Isaac's school, running errands, working, slipping in yoga when I can, and caring for Isaac. Seeing that the exhaustion fell right after a week of potty training at home, I thought, Rabin's right. Slow down sister.
Week 27 started with Isaac's 'All about Me' day at school Monday so David and I arrived with a sideshow, his favorite treat (ice cream) and a couple books that he loves right now (three robbers and iggy peck). He loved having all of his friends see photos of him, and dancing to the music of his favorite songs. It was very cute to see him enjoy the spotlight, and feel so comfortable at school. Tuesday I headed to Dr. Rabin's for my favorite gestational diabetes test, an iron test, and my RH injection. Lots of poking and prodding, but baby sounded great, was head down, and everything seemed to be moving along nicely. Isaac and I had a lot of play time in the afternoons as this will be our last week together before Natalia arrives home. He is enjoying 'Zingo', and movies, and is completely edible. Friday, as it always seems to happen the day before we left for our trip, Isaac came down with a fever. He seemed much better after his nap, although it was clear that he wasn't totally himself. It is amazing to hear him tell us that 'he is not feeling so well' and to articulate what doesn't feel good. 'Im hot, Im cold, I feel better'. It feels like it has taken a while to get to this point, but it is so good to be here.
aches and pains of week 26/27: exhaustion, indegestion, swelling in feet and hands at night
Isaac has been off school for the week, and as mentioned in the previous blog, most of the week has been inundated with potty training. It was an especially challenging week given the enormous fires going on which made it impossible for us to venture outside, or even into the backyard to play. The air quality was awful, raining ashes, so we decided to find as many ways to spend our time indoors as possible. On top of the fires, it has been HOT, breaking 100 every day. That kind of weather is pretty unbearable for anyone, but I will say being pregnant adds a whole new level of discomfort. We were lucky to head out of town Thursday and drive up the beach house for some much needed relief. It was WONDERFUL. We were able to spend time outdoors in moderate temperatures. We took an amazing walk on the sand after dinner Thursday night, and spent the morning on Friday watching Isaac get more and more comfortable in the ocean. It was so nice to relax, and I was so thankful to have some help from mom and dad. It provided a cherished break. Isaac didn't want to leave Friday night after dinner, and I was sad to say goodbye too. I hope we are able to head up there again soon and take advantage of our special other home.
aches and pains of week 25: caught isaac's cold, indigestion, heartburn, floating rib pain, congestion
This week was Isaac's summer break, so we decided to take the opportunity to ditch the diapers once and for all. We could sense he was ready, and just needed a little push to get there. We made a big deal about it on Sunday and headed to target to pick out new big boy undies. Of course, he had no interest in the Undies, and much more interest in picking out a truck... but that was to be expected. The week went a little something like this:
Monday: I tried to get him to sit on the potty every 15-30 minutes. He threw a fit every time. It started to turn into a battle. It definitely wasn't the way I wanted to make the transition, so we regrouped.
Tuesday: The day started with Isaac having two accidents, on the couch, and then in his pants. He seemed to be intentionally holding it just to protest. I almost threw the towel in, when David reminded me... this is going to take time. We had a breakthrough with his first #2 on the potty in the afternoon.
Wednesday: We cracked the code. No undies. As soon as the undies were off, and he didn't have the security of the diaper like feeling, he started using the potty. We had no accidents. We went out for lunch, without a problem, and he really seemed to be understanding the concept.
Thursday/Friday: We spent time at the beach house. It became very clear that he preferred standing to sitting for both #1 and #2. We have to work on the standing for #2, but hey, you have to figure that's the way hes been doing it for three years.
Saturday: We have tried bringing back the undies. He has more accidents when they are on, but typically only with #2 and he tells us right away. He is aware of what he SHOULD do, and I think is becoming more aware of his body. He is also not yet comfortable using the public toilets. We have to work on how to solve this seeing that he pees standing up, and cant reach the big toilet, not yet sure how to make it work.
Overall it has been amazing to watch his progress and we are so proud of him. Yet another reminder of how he is no longer our little baby, but rather our little boy. We are cherishing the small things and moments that remind us that he is still only three, and dependent on our love and support. Watching him this morning curl up on the couch with his 'money milk' and 'mr. toots', with thumb in mouth, I thought to myself... he may be sleeping in a bed, and peeing in the potty... but he is still the same scrumptious love we have always known.
Isaac loves animated movies. It seems like each week there is a new favorite who's characters lead to endless discussions. He has always enjoyed watching little mermaid, and has always asked us to 'fast forward' through any parts that include 'Fursula'. He has recently become interested in watching the end when 'Fursula' grows into a 'giant octopus' and turns 'orange'. This of course has lead to numerous discussions about why 'Fursula' doesn't like fish, why 'Fursula' is 'not a nice person', why 'Fursula' gets so big and orange... This in turn has lead to discussion about jealousy, choices, actions. The past few days he has awoken from each nap and bedtime asking about 'Fursula'. When he saw his giant shadow at dusk on the sand, he reminded me he was 'giant like Fursula'. When he was standing on his cooking stand, he told me he was 'getting giant like Fursula. She is definitely on the brain, for now, I am sure only to be replaced with a new character of interest full of questions and lessons. When Isaac asked me 'why Fursula was not a nice person?' I responded by saying, some people are just not nice people honey. His response... 'and some people are giant orange octopuses'. I chuckled and fell even more in love with my inquisitive little guy. I guess it is that simple. Some things just are what they are.
I think one of my greatest coping strategies to get through pregnancy, is to focus my energy and attention on the positive and exciting versus dwell on all of my own personal discomforts. This week I had a super fun time starting to think about the nursery. I always thought I would have two boys, so I never gave much thought to what a girls room would look like. I spent a lot of time thinking about femininity, play, color... and ultimately my inner girliness lead me to thoughts of romanticism: paris, the 20s, boudoirs, feathers and velvet, sensuality, tactility, love. The trick will be to modernize this into am age appropriate nursery instead of it looking like a agent provocateur dressing room. Friday afternoon mom and I headed downtown to Michael Levine to select some fabrics and trim for bumpers, pillows, sheets, etc. It is so easy to get lost in that place, so I went in with a strong color palate I wanted to work from (derived from a rug I fell in love with). What we left with far exceeded by expectations, and really began to bring the idea of having a baby girl 'home'. More to come as the nursery takes shape.
aches and pains of week 24: indigestion, congestion, lower back ache, floating rib pain, hot hot hot
This week marked another big milestone for our little/big boy - the transition from crib to bed. We knew when we found out we were expecting #2 that we would need the crib come winter, and we wanted to transition him out of it several months in advance so that he didn't feel like his real estate was being encroached on by the new addition. At the time that we ordered the bunk bed it felt like he may not be ready. He hated being covered. Refused to use a pillow, and was just very comfortable in the confines of his little world. He isn't the type of child to try and get out of the crib. He loves to sleep, loves his space, and is happy to be there.
In the past month I have noticed a huge shift in his maturity, and readiness for this type of big change. He loved taking a nap in mommy and daddy's bed when we visited San Diego, he started using many of his 'friends' as pillows, and when we spoke about it, he seemed excited and happy.
After a long day waiting for the delivery, and a not so smooth setup, we are finally there. The bed looks wonderful in his little space, and he is sleeping as he always has. He waits for us to get him in the morning, and treats it as he did his crib throughout the night. We know we are lucky that he is such a good sleeper, and so adaptable to change. He very much just goes with things, and makes our lives a whole lot easier.
We love you Isaac, and are so proud of you. Just another reminder that you are no longer our little baby, but our sweet sweet boy.
We just returned from a 10 day tour of Seattle and Toronto. David had to direct a scoring session in Seattle so we decided to make a family vacation out of it. I really wanted to do something special with us 3 prior to our new arrival in December, and this worked out perfectly. We stayed at Hotel 1000 in Seattle's downtown core, and spent our days exploring by foot (and bugaboo). Took a fantastic ferry ride across to Bainbridge Island, visitied the library and music experience project, enjoyed many great meals, and even got to see Davids live orchestral recording session. It was a tremendous amount of packing and planning to make sure that we would be fully equiped, but in the end it was so worth it. The time there went off without a hitch, and Isaac was in a brillaint mood. Just watching him experience new things, and a new city was pleasure enough. He was flexible, adorable, and a total joy.From Seattle we hopped a flight to Toronto for leg 2 of our adventure. We were greated warmly from Barb and Paul with homemade dinner and a house filled with Isaac gear. David and I stayed at the Hyatt downtown which gave us a bit of a break, and Barb and Paul got a lot of bonding time with Isaac. He was so comfortable with them, and was so obviously enjoying his time there, it was a pleasure to see. I was able to head out of town with Leila for a night to see the Kohn's new cottage. We had a great and relaxing time on the lake, and also got to see Naomi, Guy and the kids. Upon return Magdie went into labor, and a few hours later little Max Lucas was born. I have officially been in Toronto for all three of the births of her kids. Funny how things work out.
aches and pains of week 22|23: nausea, lower back pain, floating rib pain, indigestion
Isaac continues to make the most adorable, simple, observations.
Some of the latest:
+ Looking in our eyes, touching our face, and saying "mommy has a smooth face like me. daddy has a scruffy face."
+ When I recently put a light pink polo shirt on him he informed me that "he looked like a girl".
+ He has decided we should paint the nursery "pink, because im having a baby sister".
+ He has started to want "alone time" where he sits on the beanbag in his room and reads books. (yes we can hear him read them)
+ He continues to have "great ideas" and lets us know what they are.
Every day we are surprised with these simple observations that make us smile and remind us of his continuous development.
"The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and occasionally the chance to feel strong. Now I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head."
Andrew is visiting this week, and we just finished watching "Into the Wild"... again. The above quote has resonated with me since the first time I saw the movie. I have always found that experiences that tested me deeply, both physically and mentally, were the only true reminders of my own strength. In this resistance, both organic and manipulated I am always reminded of my own power and potential. I have endured long distance runs, survived my bachelor in architecture, put myself in plenty of situations that forced me to grow... For me, there was no greater experience to measure myself, to 'find myself in the most ancient of human conditions, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head' than that of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. With each day that brings its own set of challenges and difficulties, I am reminded of my strength as a woman, and the ultimate culmination of all of my efforts as I look down the road to childbirth. Pregnancy, with all of its ups and downs, does provide a gift... childbirth. I have had no greater experience in my life, and no greater opportunity to feel strong. For this I am thankful, and feel grateful for the opportunity to experience it once again.
photo week 21: outside PRADA with uncle Andrew
aches and pains week 21: indigestion, headaches, poor sleep, tight muscles, the beginning of 'floating rib' and morning sickness.
I have been waiting to post a blog about our very exciting news until we went for our 20 week ultrasound, and everything checked out. I am so thrilled to say that we did, and it has! We saw the two hemispheres of the brain, the four chambers of the heart, both kidneys, the stomach, a beautiful spine, all fingers and toes... and all three of us (isaac joined us for the appointment) breathed a big sigh of relief. Then after Dr. Agnew looked at every part of the fetus' body, she informed us that we were having a GIRL! That's right, 'no scrotum or balls' she said. I was shocked, David has felt it was a girl all along. My initial instinct was, holy ****! What am I going to do with a girl. I just got used to raising a boy. But very quickly my mind was flooded with ideas pertaining to a life with a little girl, a daughter, and I realized how badly I hoped, although didn't believe, this would one day be a reality for us. And then the tears started to flood.
There was some indication that we may be having a girl over my first trimester. I was so much more sick than I was with Isaac. Vomiting was not an uncommon experience, and it lasted all day long. I would dream that I was having a girl. And David and everyone I knew was convinced from the beginning that it was going to be a she. I just didn't think it was possible for us to make a girl. But we did.
As for how I have been feeling... after week 16 things really shaped up. My energy increased (however I still feel exhausted raising a toddler and being pregnant at the same time). The nausea is gone. Finally. I am not sleeping all that well, although my peeing in the middle of the night has decreased from 5 times a night to 2. I have been doing a lot of prenatal yoga which feels great and has been very rewarding. It is very hard not to be able to get my heart rate above 140, and as all of my cardiovascular strength decreases it is feels great to have some physical abilities increase.
We have told Isaac about the new addition to come. One night when we were reading books I introduced one about babies, then another about being a big brother, and lastly one about a baby growing in a mommy's tummy. After we finished that book he told me he has a baby in his tummy. I laughed, and said... not but mommy does. He lifted up my shirt and said, I dont see one. Looked in my bellybutton and still couldn't see it. I tried the best I could to explain that it was inside, but it was obvious that the concept was very abstract, and for now it was ok to leave it that way. He spent the next three weeks torturing me. Making sure he knew he loved daddy more than mommy. Hitting me in the face. Refusing to sit on me because he would 'hurt the baby'. It was then that we knew, he does get this. It has gotten much better recently. He came to our doctors appoitment today, and after being reassured that he wasn't going to have to sit on the 'change table' or be examined, he seemed happy to go (as long as he could have snacks and sit on daddy's lap). He asked me in the car on the way to the appointment if the doctor was going to take the baby out, and I explained that we had a long time before that was going to happen. Slowly, it seems, we are all figuring this out together.
Princess Seamonkey
20 weeks
3/4 pound
7 inches
due December 14th, 2009
We just finished up a fantastic holiday weekend filled with things we love to do and see. Friday we took Isaac to Coldwater Canyon park in the morning. He loved playing in the fountains, and of course had a monster melt down when it was time to leave. We headed for Newsroom for lunch, and then home for a very long nap. Saturday we headed to Silverstrand for the 4th. We spent most of the day on the beach. Isaac played in the sand (he has a new found fear of the ocean), and the Gehle's joined us in the late afternoon for apps, a bbq, and fireworks. The traffic getting out of ventura was nutty, but after patience and a couple hours we made it home. Sunday we went for a hike and a swim, and then saw Michael Mann's newest "Public Enemies". We both love loved it. We headed over the hill to Joan's on Third, picked up a gourmet picnic, and headed to the Hollywood Bowl for the trifecta of "The New Pornographers" "Tegan and Sara" and "Death Cab for Cutie". We decided to do something special and get a couple seats in a box, and wow was it worth it. It was a completely different experience. First of all, you are obviously much closer to the performers, but more importantly it created a very intimate experience that we hadn't had at the bowl. The seats were comfortable, waiters come around and take drink and food orders... it was amazing. The finale was Transatlanticism, with the LA Philharmonic, and a fantastically choreographed fireworks display. It was the perfect way to end the best show I had seen, and a fantastic weekend.
Over the past month or so, I have noticed Isaac really beginning to pronounce his new found sense of autonomy. He has always very much been his own person, but in the past has found pleasure in making the 'right' choice. In the past few weeks it is very obvious he is testing what happens if he makes the wrong choice. You can see him wanting to see how far he can push us, he has begun reasoning with us, and very much expressing emotions of feeling 'frustrated' 'cranky' 'sad' 'upset'...
It seems like these moments escalate quickly into head to head battles where David and I stand firm and explain to him the consequences of his choices. It is often centered around cleaning up his toys, switching activities from one to another, not doing something he knows is unacceptable (throwing his food of the table one piece at a time to see how far he can take it). The consequences have been clearly laid out and are usually threatening (and following through) with the removal of something he very much likes. Book time at night, desert, going to the park...
We feel this is an incredibly important stage in his development, but it makes it no more fun to go through. Our hope is that he soon begins to understand the consequences of his actions, and we will no longer have to do the painful dance we have been engaging in. The realist in me knows this is only the beginning of the hard part of parenting that will last many many years.
