struggle

It is 12:03am, and I can't sleep.

So many thoughts are running through my head. Mostly related to Isaac and his upcoming birthday. How quickly he is growing up. The new transitions we will be facing in the upcomming year. If he is feeling ok after a very difficult few days.
Lets start with the croup. After I blew off his wheezing, my mom finally convinced me to take him to the doctor, and sure enough he had a very bad case of croup. Dr. Shulman suggested an injection of steroids followed by an oral dose for two days. Isaac who was already under the weather, did not cope well with the injection, or the entire doctor office experience. Both mommy and son left very shaken.
There are few moments as a parent when you feel truly helpless. When all you can do is be there to comfort your child, to tell them the truths of life, and to do your best to explain what is going to happen and why it needs to happen. After promosing Isaac in the waiting room that we weren't at the doctors for a shot, and then watching his expression as he learned he needed one, I felt that I truly let him down. All I could do was explain that I made a mistake, and learn that those types of promises are just not within my power to make.
The croup seems to be on the mend after a few scary days of difficult breathing and very dark eyes. As I lay in bed tonight staring at the ceiling my mind started racing to preschool. The transition to, and the changes that come with it. I feel so lucky to have been able to spend as much 'at home' time with Isaac as I have. I absolutely see the value in his starting preschool, the lessons he will learn, the socialization... but everytime I think about dropping him off, and parting ways, tears start to well up in my eyes. As fiercly independant as he is at home, he has always been slow to warm at school. He is kind, observant, introverted, and very attached to me. He has not yet caught onto how to stick up for himself, and I know there are kids that will take advantage of his easy going nature. The motherbear in me wants to always be there to protect him, and teach him how to deal with difficult sitations. The reality is... without me, he will be forced to learn how to cope with those situations in his own way. I can only hope that his new teachers will understand and respect who he is, a very special little person, and help guide him through all the struggles that come his way.
Struggle is so important. It teaches us how to problem solve, and become confidant human beings. I have always encouraged Isaac to try and work through his struggles independantly. If he needs help, I try to guide him. My hope is this new journey provides him with enough resistance to grow, enough support to stand tall, and enough variety of experience to have fun in a social setting.
Mostly, I just hope he knows how much I love him. That I am not abandoning him. And that the bond we share, the lessons I have tried to teach him as a parent, and the respect that I show him each and every day helps to make the expereince a positive one for the both of us. As Isaac enters his first year of school I am sure it will be a learning experience for the both of us, and one that can only make us stronger.

the invite

thanks daddy soren
for a spledid party invite
for our little love.

'Gas-Car' 2

We have been debating for quite a while about when we wanted to take Isaac to his first movie, and on this rainy eve of thanksgiving we decided to give it a try.We went to the 5:20 showing of Madagascar two. Isaac got his very own popcorn. We watched the previews, and surprisingly, he enjoyed the movie right up until he ran out of popcorn. He laughed at the jokes, called out when he saw familiar things, clapped his hands when he liked the music, and in total really seemed to enjoy the experience.I thouroughly enjoyed watching Isaac's reaction to the movie, but what was even more fun was seeing the look on David's face as he saw Isaac squeal with delight over something so important to him. As he said to Isaac on the way into the theater... this is the first of MANY MANY movies we will enjoy together.

the girls

Great weekend with the girls at the beach house. We enjoyed the sunset, wine and cheese, some funny birds and a very strange male photographer, a lovely dinner at Brooks, bonding time, breakfast at the surf shack...
Each of you are unique and lovely in your own light. As we sat on the couch story telling and sharing I thought to myself, if I had to describe each of you in one word what would it be. Here is what I came up with.
Jen. Sunshine.
Elyse. Steadfast.
Erin. Prudent.
I love and admire each of you. You bring to my life qualities that I respect and continue to strive for.
All my love.

happy birthday mom!

happy birthday mom!

this picture makes me smile...
hope it does the same for you.
xo.

OH!-bama

artwork by shepard fairey : obey giant.

"This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people"

Yes We Can.


congratulations. i knew you could do it. now lets get this party started...

creeping up on two

We are rapidly approaching the two year mark, and every day this parenting thing becomes more and more fun. Isaac has become very interactive. He is able to participate in some capacity in almost everything we do. He is no longer just along for the ride, but very much riding shot gun. He is making the most amazing connections between things. His memory and language are both astonishing and confidence is slowly growing alongside his autonomy.

Some of his favorites de jour:
- trucks trucks cars trucks
- anything dirty, the word dirty, dirty trucks, pointing out dirt
- 'pea balls', hot dogs, noodles, meatballs, ice pops
- "me" "mine" "me eat" "me night night"
- cars, the movie
- "max" from where the wild things are
- doing 'art... outside'
- naming what colors things are: black, white, blue, red, pink, green
- saying hello and goodbye, and giving high fives
- really delicious hugs and kisses where he holds your hair and pulls you towards him
- an insane love for chocolate
- 'neck' (giraffe) turtle, 'manda' (panda)
- 'money milk' or 'money' his blanket

He is repeating almost any word you say and everyday is using more and more of them. Mostly he just seems very content. Of course there are days of total mayhem, tantrums, dissent... and well yes... he can be a total pain in the ***... but hes our pain in the *** and we cant wait to see whats next.

Tdot

Just returned from a trip to Toronto to see Leila and family. As hesistant as I was to leave after just leaving Isaac, it was so much fun to spend some relaxing time with my girls. We completed season one of Gossip Girls, Gossiped, and well... didn't do much else. OK... we did go for a beautiful long walk down a fall tree lined path that reminded me that there are seasons in other parts of the world. Each day I was there the temperature dropped another 10 degrees, and on the last day... snow had arrived. Happy to get back to nintey degree sunny California, but as alaways, sad to leave those I love.
Pooner... Till 122208... I love you.

NYC party of 3

It had been a while since I had been back to NY, so I was very much looking forward to exploring the city outside of business travel. My (our) first baby-less trip was filled with adventure, exploration, independence, frienship, food, architecture, art, shopping, walking, and a whole lot of talking.
David caught the plague of 2008 prior to my leaving. This in combination with an insane work schedule made it impossible for him to join which meant I was flying solo.
Our party of three did pretty well considering, and I felt lucky to spend my time in such good company. Both of my Gehle's were incredibly gracious in including me throughout, and I inturn tried to be the best third wheel I knew how :)

A special thank you to Raylene and Fil who planned a fantastic night in Brooklyn for their Cali guests. Seeing you two always reminds me of what great company I kept while in school. You both continue to inspire and propel my behind forward. Looking forward to repaying the kindness upon your next trip to the sun. xo. All my love.

my little love. my little partner.

At 22 months, Isaac is now a boy. Babyhood is out the door... and toddlerhood is rearing its head. With each new word, new expression, new movement, I am reminded how sweet life is, and how in love with him I am. Yesterday I got my first 'love you'. He can now tell us when he 'poos', what he wants, and stories from the day before. His memory has kicked into full gear, and he is starting to repeat almost anything you say. He is dancing, jumping, spinning, climbing. He is starting to play independently with his cars... and makes up stories. He loves 'hat dags' and 'noodos'. More and mine are keywords. He can say his own name. He knows where 'home' is, and that 'yaya'(ella) and 'peepee'(chiefie/miles) are there. He can throw a full fledged toddler tantrum. He has started cooking with me, sprinkling 'dirt' (salt and pepper) onto our food. He loves the movie cars. Elmo is also a hit. He knows 'nanny' and 'papa' live in the snow. Can still identify everyone by their car. Loves 'b' and associates her with anything sweet (cake, ice pops...) School has been a great adventure, and he continues to enjoy the 'tutle' goats, and activities.
Every day he makes me laugh.
He is my little love. My little partner.

'tata'

I have been waiting a little while to write this entry because i was worried it was too good to be true... but since it is Natalia's birthday I will post. Natalia (tata) could not be more lovely, more maternal, more caring, (i could go on here for a long time). Her energy and patience suits Isaac's persistent personality. Her willingness and availability make it possible for me to work freely and guilt-freely. Natalia is here from Mexico to study acting, and in the meantime has been helping with the caretaking of Isaac in the afternoons. Isaac adores her. He loves doing 'art' and going on 'walks' and Natalia truly seems to enjoy the time she spends with him.
Tata. Happy Birthday. We are so happy to have you as a part of our family. Thank you for all of your kindness and generosity with our most precious boy.

my best friends wedding

For the 13 years I have known Chris, he and I have consistently had lunch or dinner a few times a month. Throughout the years, I have seen him in and out of relationships and have tried my best to give him sound advice, support, and love. He in return has offered me the same. I can easily say that Chris is the most generous person I know, and the most concerned and attentive friend. It was a pleasure to trek down to San Diego, Isaac in tow, to celebrate Chris' union to Jacqui.
The wedding, like Chris, was filled with warm and lovely people. I finally had the opportunity to meet and spend time with his parents and brother, and was able to connect many faces to many names.
Chris, welcome to the other side :) All my love.

b2

I woke up this morning, and immediately searched for the photo that was taken of me and Stella the day she was born. I spent a while looking at it, and my brain started to wander. So much has changed in these past two years. OK. So the obvious. Stella is bigger. I am smaller (and well, not 5 1/2 months pregnant). I have a baby of my own.
Then I started thinking about Stella. About the life that our family shares with hers. About the beautiful extended family that I feel so grateful for. About her love, her warmth, her laugh. Of all the things she has taught Isaac. About all the things she has taught me. About the many times that Shawn and Erin have turned to me and said... just wait... and then four months later... it hits. About swimming, and the beach, many many rounds of old mac donald. About singing in the back seat, tickling her toes, and just recently watching her go off to school.
Its about all the little slivers of time I get that cast a very rosy glow on this life. B... I love you. I am so proud of you. Watching you grow has been a privilege, and my true pleasure.
Here's to two. Cheers!

"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself."

the happiest place on earth

Yesterday we headed to Anaheim to celebrate Miss. Bea's second. Traffic on the way there was a breeze and getting into the park equally as straightforward. Isaac came into the day with the sniffles, so i was a little concerned that he may not have the best time, but he was a joy. Despite not feeling well, he really seemed to have the best time, and I was so happy we chose to go.
Upon entering the park, we were immediately greeted by a couple lifesize chimpmunks that put Isaac into complete meltdown mode, and I immediately thought to myself... this is going to be a VERY LONG day. A train ride took us over the the kiddy area... "somethingland" where our little ones flew on dumbo, and enjoyed the carousel. One terrible lunch later and both Stella and Isaac actually napped (this was the key to a pretty wodnerful afternoon). While the kids napped the adults relived their preteen years with a ride on thunder mountain and space mountain. Then lots of ice cream for all followed by the parade. Isaac warmed up to the idea of lifesize animals dancing and singing and both kids clutched onto their minnie and mickey mouse treasures while watching the train go by in awe. We braved a few more rides, and decided to end the day on a high note around 6:00. Off for a quick dinner at Mimi's (no link requred here) where isaac was completely hysterical throwing water all over himself, and then to a very noisy car ride home (where isaac would not stop talking about every single thing he saw all day). In the end I ushered him into his crib, and he was out for the count... until 10am this morning when we woke him up.
I think all of us would say that the day was amazingly fun, and went incredibly smoothly given the fact we were traveling with a large group and two toddlers. Mom, Dad, and Rachel... thank you for all of your help and support. You're generosity and kindness is unparalleled.

AND MOSTLY... thank you Stella for the joy you bring to our lives. You are very much one of the great loves of my life, and I look forward to every chance I get to feel your warmth.

nanny and bapa

lucky duck. isaac got a very special visit from 'nanny' and 'bapa' this week. it was the first time that he was able to say their names (or his version of their names) and clearly seemed to remember who they were from his skype conversations with them. we spent the week around town at the bergamot station, the beach house, and katsu-ya... and they enjoyed a lot of downtime around the house.
thank you paul and barb for a wonderful visit. we hope our new house was more comfortable for you, and that you will be back soon.

discovery school

Isaac and I recently started the mommy and me program for the discovery school. We have been going on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:15-11:15. It is definately a huge time commitment, but the time goes by fast and the longer we are there the more we like it. The mothers all seem very down to earth, and Isaac as been learning lots of new social skills. We spend the time singing, playing with toys, reading in a circle, playing outside in the different playgrounds, and visiting the schools petting zoo. Isaac is particularly fond of the turtles ("tootel") and the goats ("baa"). The repetitive nature of the class seems to work for him, and the teachers have been very supportive and nurturing. We are almost done with our first session and are starting our second a week from today. More stories to come.

eighteen months

This expression says it all. In the past months as I have watched him grow from a baby into a little boy... i have been enveloped in joy. He has been a fantastic partner through my days. Understanding. Kind. Patient. Authentic. Sensitive. Nourishing. and. Oh, so much fun. He is very clear and consistent when it comes to his likes and dislikes. He gives all of himself to those he trusts and loves. He is skeptical of those he doesn't. He adores ernie, elmo, and elephante. (the "e" trifecta) He enjoys music, dancing, and sings along to the elmo's world theme song. Just last night iz and I practiced our coordinated routine to "sexy back" (papu would be proud). It involves spinning in circles, the moon walk, running towards eachother and slapping high five then dropping to the floor in laughter. Crazyfun.
His vocabulary is rapidly developing. "Bubie" is a very popular one right now. All X5, M6, and Ferrari get a "Bubie" shout out from the back seat. "Meow" = cat. "Moo" = cow. "Ssss..." = snake. "Neigh" = horse. "Bow wow" = dog. "Boll" = ball. "Momo" = elmo. "Nananana" (elmo theme song) = elmo. "Nana" = banana "Vroom"= truck
The list is long...
Isaac has been enjoying swimming. He is starting to dunk his head. He had his first shower this week. He hates anyone touching behind his ears, hated his hair being cut, didn't like Dr. Shulman probing him, and wants nobody touching his "tutu" ;)
He loves to give kisses and hugs, he does a fabulous eskimo kiss. Is more than happy to lift your shirt to show you your belly button. And is a little lover.
He is getting more comfortable with separating. Today was the first day at gym day care with no tears, and he is getting along swimmingly with Jill. Blankie is the end all be all, and 3.5 hour naps are the standard.
I feel like each day he is working on something new. And each day I am reminded of all the little things I take for granted.
Isaac, thank you for all you have given me. Never thought I would say this, but hangin' with a 18month old has taught me more about life than anything I have ever done.

ILS:: 18 months:: 23lbs (20%) 33" (75%)

looking up

"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station."
-Bill Cosby

Happy Fathers Day to an absolutely dedicated father. You truly are the man that Isaac looks up to. It is with each Prius that passes, and the little "daddy" i hear from the backseat that I am reminded of your bond to one and other. Every evening at 5pm when Isaac starts chanting your name... and then when the door finally swings open and he bolts towards it... love is everywhere.

You make fatherhood look as simple and natural as it could. Thank you for making my job as a mother easier, and for everything you are to our son and our family.
We love you.

xo.
h+i

taste of the nation

Taste of the Nation is an event that I have wanted to participate in for years. It seems like each year there is a reason why we cant make it, but this year I promised myself that we were going to find a way to make an appearance.
Taste of the Nation brings together the most creative culinary minds across the country in order to support an effort to end childhood hunger. This was the 20th year the event was held on behalf of Share our Strength, and over 70 million dollars has been raised.
The Sorens spent an afternoon enjoying the creations of hundreds of chefs and wine makers in Southern California. Tent after tent suprised and delighted me each with its own perfect amuse bouche.
David's favorite: Joe's Restaurant (on abbot kinney) passion fruit tapioca with shaved coconut granita
Hailey's favorite: Bottlerock's white truffle and cheddar grilled cheese sandwhich
Isaac's favorite: Napa Valley Grill's heirloom tomato salad
Always fun to discover new restaurants in your city, and to meet the chefs that make it all possible. For me, and absolute delight.

SATC the movie.

Friday night my girls arrived one by one to join me in seeing the long awaited SATC the movie. Elaine, Elyse, Jennifer, and Erin stopped by Woodcliff for a cosmopolitan and a lot of laughs (mainly directed at my clumsiness). We quickly headed off to Firefly for dinner, three bottles of wine, and a whole lot of silliness. I was so pleased that all of these women got along with such ease. I always worry when I bring my girlfriends together - seeing that they are from such different walks of my life, but everyone just seemed to gel. The movie wasn't anything to write home about, but the experience is one is one I will never forget. Thank you my beautiful friends for making the night so special, and for treating me with such kindness on this belated birthday celebration.