Coco - 18 months

Stats at 19 months:
Weight :: 19.7 oz ( less than 0%)
Height :: 31 1/4" (25%)

We just celebrated Coco's half birthday. I was going to create several blog entries about all of the exciting things she is doing at the ripe age of a year and a half, but I thought it better to just summarize them in one complete place. To begin we have started mommy and me at discovery school. It is so strange to be back in that room. In many ways it feels like I was JUST there, in others it feels like it has been much longer than the three summers ago that I started with Isaac. Coco and Isaac both had a very similar separation anxiety at this age. For whatever reason Coco is at the height of her's which has made it exceedingly unpleasant to start all of these new activities. I do know from my experience with Isaac that this is temporary, and that it will just take her a little longer than others to get acclimated and find her groove. Eventually she will be just fine. It makes it a bit more challenging for me, but the investment is well worth it.
We started speech therapy with Coco a couple weeks ago. I am still on the fence about whether or not it has any real effect on her language, but I am going to stick with it for another month and see where it takes her. My general philosophy has been "it cant hurt", but at this very moment I am feeling so over scheduled with therapies, and mommy and me, and school, and swimming, on and on and on, that I am wondering if the hours of therapy could be better spent in a dance or music class. Would she gain more from the socialization, or just simply learn through enjoyment and experience. My gut sense is that she, like her mother, will do it all when she damn well wants to.
In all of the over scheduling we did also start hippotherapy (horse therpy) today. This seemed so well worth it. The facility was lovely, and she clearly enjoyed seeing the horses. There were some tears getting on the horse, but once she was there she seemed to enjoy it. I was so amazed at how well the program was run. There were three adults and one horse for 19 pound coco, all working together to help her move forward. It was truly remarkable.
Coco is now walking fast, almost running, starting to go up stairs (holding a hand), has several clear words (up, more, mama, dada, isaac, cat, out, in, milk, water). She is a true girl, loving accesories, brushing her hair, wearing a purse, getting her shoes on. She loved putting on her tap shoes and walking around. She enjoys dancing, jumping, coloring. She is still throwing food on the floor, and eating very limited amounts of very limited food. Her smile lights up a room, and her laughter is amazing. She has David's eyes and my nose, the mouth is up for grabs. She is giving great kisses and hugs, loves her best friend 'mr. bear' and loves her brother isaac the very most. Sesame street is her favorite show, but she can rarely sit through a book or a movie without wanting to fidget with something or move around. She is amazingly cute, very petite, and full of love.

See you later team 2!

Wow. I am going to try and write this post from a positive perspective, despite how difficult a year this has been for us at Discovery School. We started team two with the teacher that inspired us to choose Discovery as our home. Martha was amazing, she was clearly experienced, was able to engage the kids from the minute they walked in the door, and Isaac not only adored her but was clearly learning more than he ever had. Unfortunately due to a family emergency she was forced to leave teaching, very suddenly, and was replaced by teacher Dana.
Once I got over the initial shock that the teacher we loved so very much had left, I started to see Dana's strength's and accept her as Isaac's new teacher. She had her own style, but was clearly a very good teacher, loved the kids, and Isaac really liked her too. After two months Dana too left due to a personal medical emergency, and we were then given Teacher Ruth.
I could focus here on all of the things I thought Ruth needed some expereince in (she came to us with only experience as a teacher's assistant), but instead I am going to choose to discuss what Isaac gained from team 3. Isaac made friendships in his small class that were deep and meaningful to him. Many of these kids he talks about daily, and some are in his current class. Isaac found his voice, literally, now signing and participating when appropriate, and feeling more comfortable and confident in his skin. Isaac learned about superheros, weapons, good guys and bad guys, chasing, shooting, and everything I have been dreading. I haven't yet figured out how to handle this, but as his Dr. Shulman said, if you give him a stick, he is going to pretend its a gun so realize you have little control over his choices when it comes to play. He now knows most of his numbers and letters, and some basic site words. He can write his name, our names, and his sister's name. He loves stories, and his stuffed animal 'friends'. He loves school, and continues to show enthusiasm for all things in the classroom.
I will end with this story, one I want to document so that in 18 years Isaac can read it and have a good chuckle. On 'dad's' day this year at school David took Isaac, and dropped him at class. He then waited in his car for the 15 minutes he was supposed to so the kids could get ready for the dad's. In that period of time Isaac asked Ruth if he could go to the farm with one of his buddies, and his father. Ruth said ok, and when David got back to the class Isaac was gone. Ruth explained he was at the farm, and when David searched the farm, and then the rest of the school he couldn't find Isaac. Needless to say this turned into a school wide alert situation in which it took the director an additional 30 minutes to locate Isaac (in another classroom). This happened about 2 weeks before school ended, so today on the last day of team 2 we leave with a smile on our face and excitement for what is to come. Our usual emotional goodbye has been replaced with relief and gratitude for the closure we have finally received after a tumultuous year.

big steps

I was just telling my friend Elaine at dinner last night that a month ago when I was very anxious about Coco's physical progress, I decided that when she started walking I would invite all of my friends for drinks and celebrate the momentous occasion. I had the event planned in my head. The way it would feel to finally be relieved from the worry of if, and more importantly when she would take those first steps.
A week ago Coco woke up from her nap, and just like that decided to give it a go. The video above are some of her very first independent steps. Now a week later she is walking around the house; granted she is still doing a lot of crawling she can walk. She seems most proficient when there is a goal in the visible distance. She is walking from object to object; person to person. Each day her confidence grows and her steps get faster. Her arms are still up in the air as if she is holding onto our fingers, or just finding her way of balancing.
What is most notable about her new stride is the pride you can see all over her face. She KNOWS she is doing something challenging, and she is excited about her accomplishment. There is determination in her eyes, heavy concentration, and when she finally gets to her destination - relief, glory, excitement, celebration.
And so she started walking, and not once did I think about having a party, or celebrating the occasion. My first thought and instinct was: my baby is growing up. My second thought was: she is clearly celebrating her achievement with each and every step. Just being around her and watching her move is better than any party I could have.
And of course when I got into bed that night the immense joy and pleasure I thought I would feel was actually a wee bit of melancholy, and reflection about her journey. We have come so far, SHE has come so far. It is only a tiny indication of where she is headed, with speed and determination, watch out world, Coco is on her way.

Riding the Wave

this polaroid of girl surfing hangs in our bedroom. taken by: 'she hit pause' studios.

I have never surfed before. In actuality, I can barely stick a toe in the ocean. My fear of the unknown, what I can not see that lies beneath the surface has always been so great that wading in deep blue has never appealed to me. The idea of surfing which entails both wading in these waters, and then riding a completely unpredictable natural element sounds terrifying. Im sure those who surf find exactly these things the excitement of the sport. For a cautious control freak like me, I appreciate known factors and predictability. I enjoy playing within constraints, always needing at least one fixed 'known'.


In the past month this aspect of my personality has been challenged. Crohn's disease has challenged us in new ways. The details and the history of the past month are so clear in my mind, but when I woke up today wanting to write about our collective experience, it was the events surrounding the illness that I found most profound. It reminded me of one of my favorite proverbs:

" Only in darkness can you see the stars."

The result of several weeks of doctors appointments, hospital visits, blood work, scopes, and massive amounts of stress was surgery. I brought David into the ER on a Friday night, and the following afternoon we were told - without ever speaking to one of David's doctors- surgery time. Once the initial shock set in, and we were finally able to speak with the necessary parties, we agreed that it was the best next step, and important that it happen quickly. And so it did. Two hours later he was on the table, and I was alone doing everything I could to keep it together.

Saturday nights in a hospital are very quiet. There are the obvious benefits of efficiency given the low patient flow, but there is something about the quiet that is very unsettling. After David was taken back for surgery, and I literally told the surgeon to do the best resection he had ever done, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I was crawling out of my skin with anxiety, and waiting in a person-less - dead - waiting room just wasn't something I wanted to do. I decided to seek out the 'all faith' chapel (which took some searching). When I finally found it, it seemed that it was being packed up to move; there were boxes strewn around. On the small beema / pulpit / stage was a star of david, a menorah, and a rose. There were hundreds of jewish prayer books, a single bible, and a single koran. There was comfort in being surrounded by a faith that I grew up in, but when it came to what to do in the space I was at a loss. I picked up a prayer book, thumbed through, and quickly put it down. Prayer - from a prayer book- is not a daily part of my life. Throughout my day I speak to 'god' in my own way, give thanks, ask for help, say a 'prayer' but more informally. I began to think about this as I sat on the bench in the chapel.

When do I feel most connected to god? Immediately I answered, when I feel most connected to myself. When my connected self sees the beauty in others.
When do I feel most connected to myself? Easy. Yoga. My practice, the intentions I set for myself, the closeness I feel to myself and those around me, the way it translates to my actions my words my thoughts. This is god.

And before I knew it I was in downward dog. Flowing through a few vinyasas, feeling the moistness on my skin, the tears on my cheeks, my intention very simply to find the power to get through the next hour. That was it.

Minutes later I headed up to the waiting room and was greeted by dear friends who instinctively knew how hard it must be to wait alone. Their support got me though, provided a momentary distraction, and reminded me of the connection to others I thought about only moments before. The surgeon quickly came out, was positive and hopeful about his work, and from there things have only improved.


Having gone through this same surgery (different set of issues got us there) five years ago, David and I weren't new to it as a couple, but something felt different this time around. We have grown together, understand each others fears and needs, and in the moment managed to be good to one and other and ourselves. We allowed each others families and friends to support us in a more intimate way. David was more open with work and colleagues about what was going on. We had children to think about, and to teach. Life was more complex, but ultimately we managed more gracefully. In our openness we were received with such generosity and love that it was a clear and beautiful reminder of the relationships and accomplishments we have worked so hard for.

We debated about how to tell Isaac, what to share and when to share it. Ultimately we drew a parallel between his recent surgery getting tubes. How there was something in Daddy's tummy that was making him sick, and that the doctors needed to take it out. How Daddy was strong and brave and was going to be OK, but that he needed to stay in the hospital for a week so that the doctors could watch his tummy. My mom brought the kids to the hospital for a visit when David still had his IV pole. He was given 'plaza privileges' which meant he could leave his room and meet the kids on the plaza level. Kids aren't allowed into the hospital rooms. Isaac took a long stare at the IV pole and was very curious about the different boxes and buttons. We described it as a 'super hero pole' and that all of the medications that were going into daddy's arm were giving him super powers to get better. Isaac got to press the morphine button - a thrill for both Isaac and David when the strong 'beep' could be heard. Coco was just happy to see daddy, and clearly frustrated she couldn't climb all over him. Isaac has since described feelings of sadness because daddy's tummy hurts. Fear because his scar looks so scary. I explained to Isaac that this made him a good person because he showed 'empathy'. We spoke for a long time about this idea. Why it is important that we feel for others. Why when our family isn't well, we are not well.

Our extended (and in many ways nuclear) families have been so unbelievably supportive through this. Davids mom immediately flew out to be with him, and his brother came just after he left. My parents flew home from their trip to NY the day after they arrived with no hesitation. Without them this whole ordeal would have been nearly impossible. I continue to question how people manage without family and friends in these emergency situations. It is so critical to have people you can lean on, and to be a person in this world that others can lean on.

As for me - it was so difficult to figure out how I wanted to be supported. Some days I would wake up and just want to crawl back into bed. Others I would want my friends to pick me up for breakfast help me escape for a little while. Each day it would change. I immediately knew I had to cancel all plans in the immediate future. The plans were making me anxious. I didn't feel like being around groups of people, and I wanted to make sure I could be there for David. Again it was about the waves. Being unable to anticipate them, unable to know what was bubbling below the surface. The waves, they would come and go, ebb and flow. When I mentioned this to a dear friend of mine while I was spending a bunch of time at the hospital she said, just let me support you. I will figure out how. And then hours later a text message to meet her and some of my close friends at a restaurant near the hospital. And as soon as I arrived I knew it was exactly what I needed. They brought a thoughtfully packed care package, and their beautiful smiling faces that helped me make it through the final couple days.

care package

contents

Today I can easily say I have grown; as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, as a designer, ... Each of my hats fit a little more comfortably. They have all been challenged, put to the test. Each have survived, have thrived, have grown. I am a more empathetic person, more patient, more understanding.

"Now that i am more nearly a grown member of the human race...she thought that she had never before had a chance to realize the strength human beings have, to endure; she loved and revered all those who had ever suffered, even those who had failed to endure."

I have learned to surf. Perhaps not in the deep blue sea, but in my life I am surfing. Standing steady, riding the waves; each unpredictable, their timing varied and unknown, the depths below filled with life that I cant always see. In this moment I am in the 'barrel', surrounded by support and love, with only light in sight. I love surfing today. Tomorrow I could fall off the board gasping for air, but today, today I love surfing.

little LEAGUE

I have intentionally waited a couple weeks to write this post because I have had to recover from the initial terrible, horrible, no good very bad day we first started little league. I have wanted to sign Isaac up for a team sport for a while now. He loves playing soccer with Coach Louis at Discovery School, so I figured it would be a good experience for him to get on a team with kids his own age, and try something new. After deciding on tball through the parks and rec, I called their office the morning of - having not received anything in the mail - and asked what was required for the first practice. The lady on the phone told me to bring a mit, cleats, baseball pants, and socks. REALLY?!!! I asked. That seems like a lot for a four year old, but she said yes. So I made an emergency dash to sports chalet and picket up all of the accoutrements. I woke grumpy Isaac from his nap, and took the whole family to the park figuring Coco could play in the toddler area while we watched him practice. When there was no sign of kids, or anything tball related I went into the office and asked where the practice was being held.
A car ride, and a couple miles later we finally found field 8, and a bunch of little kids NOT IN UNIFORM. I gasped, have I just created a situation where my kid is the only one in uniform, and the outcast? How could I have not been more prepared, double checked, brought a change of clothes. And then I noticed that he was so proud of being 'different' and that the kids looked at him (the biggest kid in the group) with admiration. Lesson learned, at four different is ok, even cool. I bathed in that for a moment knowing very soon this would change.
And then the couch opened his mouth, I remembered how much I hate organized sports. This guy/coach was treating the kids like they were teenagers, and clearly had no idea how to coach. Run to first base! Isaac looked at him like... what? He had no idea what that even meant. I turned to the mother next to me and asked, isn't this supposed to be fun. She said smiling, its sports.
Watching Isaac amongst these kids he didn't know, and a coach that was, well, mean, was one of the first times I observed him having to cope with a life situation that wasn't in his comfort zone. And then I realized that he was actually fine with it, it was me that was having the melt down. He is still my baby - or at least I thought he was before we (he) stepped foot on that field. I quickly realized that we were untying one more cord of connection from his body to mine. For the next forty five minutes he was going to have to fend for himself and decide if this was something that he enjoyed.
The minute practice was over Isaac came rushing out, I HAVE TO POO. Oh no. The park only had a storage room and bathroom for the coaches, so I had to ask mean coach if he would let us in, and after much begging he did, where of course Isaac refused to go to the bathroom. So we headed to the car where he decided he REALLY HAD TO GO. But wanted to wait until we got home. It was the car ride home from hell, but once we got home, and he used the bathroom, and the trauma settled he looked at me and said mommy, when do I get to play tball again. And then I realized... my kid is resilient, maybe I'm the one who needs to grow up.
And so last week at practice we showed up in shorts and a tshirt, took it for what it was, and had a good time. I was still the nervous parent on the bench making sure my kid was advocating for himself, getting his turn, using the glove on the correct hand. In this situation, where almost every father is on the field coaching their own kid, I felt it necessary to watch from a distance over my own. If nothing else I am sure this experience will allow both of us to grow, both apart and together. In fact I believe it already has.

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Bugs

Seems like every spring we are faced with some health challenges. At this point I have come to expect them. I am so on top of it, and so well seasoned at this point that at the first sign of something I can call it - even if it is a strange and very rare thing. A fever with crankiness to follow= roseola. A tiny limp in Isaac's leg = toxic synovitis. A fever with pain when sucking her thumb= Hand Foot Mouth. Perhaps it is that I have seen these run through my household, or a close friends household at least once. Or the warnings that come in Isaac's mailbox, "a child in your class has xyz". Those certainly are tip offs to the what is about to ensue, but I chalk it up to mother's intuition.
Isaac's second bout with the strange "i just woke up and i cant walk illness" otherwise known as toxic synovitis was not as bad as the first. He could express his discomfort which helped, and he could walk with a heavy limp. With a last minute trip by mom to Dr. Shulman's office and a little Motrin he recovered quickly, and was at school the next day.
Hand foot and mouth sucked a whole lot more. After a long day of meetings Coco cried all the way in the car to dinner. At that point I already knew she had HFM, so this was just confirmation. We headed to the Pediatric Urgent Care and confirmed the diagnosis. The doctor was awful, Coco was upset, it was a no fun experience. With Tylenol it was manageable, but she was certainly not herself and very needy of love and extra attention. It effected her ability to eat (you could see the large sores on her tongue hands and feet)and I believe they are still bothering because her appetite isn't what it was. It has only been 5 days since the diagnosis, so I will give it a few more before I worry.
These are the big ticket items that are strung together by colds, coughs, and general spring un-wellness. With April first around the corner I can only hope that we are at the end of our spring string, and heading into a much healthier period of time. We have kept it in perspective, and with each hurdle we manage to climb over feel stronger and more capable to deal with the cards we are dealt. After all they are just cards that come and go - and with a strong KNOCK ON WOOD- we are parents who feel tremendously lucky to be able to wave goodbye to the illnesses as they head out of our house, and probably and unfortunately into another.

Fast Friends

These two monkeys are a force to be reckoned with. Their energy is so big, so loud, so fast, that it has become much more than a two on one battle. There have been moments over the past week where I have thought to myself 'on no, i am in for some trouble'. And then of course I am delighted that they have started playing together, and entertaining each other, regardless of the amount of mischief and mess it is causing our household. Coco only wants to be around Isaac. She loves to scream and rough house, and finds ANYTHING he does laugh out loud funny. The game of the week seems to be Coco and Isaac sitting in the back seat of the car throwing their 'money milk' at each other. Coco will put it on her head then do a 'peek a boo' which Isaac responds to, then she throws it to Isaac who whips it back in her face causing her to laugh from deep within her belly. And it doesn't' get old. They can keep it up on the entire 20 minute drive to and from school every single day.
They have been having 'private parties' where they go into Isaac's room and screech and throw pillows, and laugh... while I wait outside for the first indication of party's over - which is always Coco crying from being pummeled to the ground. BUT SHE DOESN'T CARE. She loves it and goes back for more time and time again. My general philosophy as a parent is to let them be as loud as they want, as rough as they want, have as much fun as they want, while carefully observing so that nobody gets seriously injured. I think that this is their bonding time, and the less involvement from me the better. If there is one thing I have learned through my relationship with my brother is that we have the most fun when it is just the two of us. We can hang out on our terms and enjoy each other without any of the baggage our parents bring to the table. I completely respect my kids need for time alone getting into things, scheming, and going to war against mom and dad. It is fun to see Isaac in the big brother role, and Coco's admiration for him. It is a constant reminder of why we chose to have our number two, who we now couldn't imagine our lives without.

asdfasd

We visited Isaac's open house this week at school and had the opportunity to meet some of the teachers in team III (where he will be next year) as well as see some of the things he has been working on in Teacher Ruth's class. The focus of this month has been Art. The students have been learning about famous artists, van Gouh, Picasso, Pollock, and have been doing art based in the style of those they are studying. They have also been reading stories, and then illustrating their own books. I have to say I had some disappointment when I saw the art projects that were focused on the work of specific famous artists. The van Gogh sunflowers were all so similar. Clearly teacher directed work with little room for the students own interpretation. I spoke with his teacher about it, and asked her to come up with a project where there were some parameters, but where the children were allowed to express their own creativity. I loved the results in Isaac's 10 apples on top project. Each drawing was clearly his, and looked very different from that of his classmates. Although they all shared the same quantity of apples, the styles and methods varied. I wanted to share Isaac's book with a smile because I thought it was a wonderful reflection of how his creative juices are flowing at age 4.

15 months, a tiny spitfire

At 15 months here are here stats:
wt. 18lb <0%
ht 29.5" 25%

And now lets talk about things that actually matter. Coco is crawling ferociously. It has allowed her to get anywhere she needs to go very quickly, she can pull up, cruise, squat up and down and has started trying to stand in the middle of the room if she has something or somebody to grab onto. If steadied she can stand for a second or two, but has a long way to go till she will be standing on her own. Walking still seems like an insurmountable milestone, and with that being said i know it will happen sooner than I think. She continues to make physical progress, so that too will happen when its time.
She understands anything you say to her and responds. If you even say 'night night' or 'nap time' or 'sleep' in a sentence unrelated to her you will look over and she will be laying on the floor with her thumb in her mouth. She can point out all of her body parts. She loves mimicking actions and sounds:

She still has few words, and we are guessing her speech will be delayed as it is with most children with low tone, but I am confident she will get there. She doesn't stop talking and trying to make sounds, so think it is just a matter of putting it all together.
She rarely gets cranky, has an incredibly flexible schedule and loves her big brother. Her eating has become more fussy with now only a few things she adores, and others she tolerates. Most go directly onto the floor. We have been doing a music class and a my gym class together both of which she really really enjoys. She is very social, loves to be the center of attention, but also carefully observes. Coco is most certainly a girl. Her shoes, hats, and any other accessory are a must for daily wardrobe - already - and she LOVES putting them on and taking them off. With that said she has no interest in her dolls, but only in Isaac's cars as she drives them around the floor making an incredibly loud - WHREEEEEE! sound. She is pointing at things that interest her, or things in a book as you read them, and is clearly starting to be present in the world and experiences she is living in. Her smile is contagious, and everyone around her, including strangers wants to eat her up. There isn't a time when I go to the market where I am not stopped and asked how old she is, or told how cute she is.
Proud mama knows that she's got something special. Of course there is that discrepancy in her age and cognitive ability, and small size that makes her seem like an amazingly cute baby genius, but considering her uphill battle physically we will take all the compliments we can get. And what girl doesn't love a compliment.

super tubes

In December at Coco's one year checkup we took Isaac to Dr. Shulman's for his hearing. We had noticed while away in Florida that there was clearly something very wrong with his ears. We would ask him a question and typically receive a 'what' or 'what did you say' every time. There were many instances of us saying "Isaac" with no response in return. At the time we thought it could have been the plane flight, or the series of colds he had, but after a month with no improvement we knew we had to bring him in. His hearing was tested in December, January, February, and in March when there was very little improvement we knew it was time to see Dr. Stroker, a pediatric ENT. She immediately said "lets discuss tubes". There was a tremendous amount of fluid buildup in Isaac's ears that was not allowing him to hear. She was certain hat the surgery was necessary, and we immediately scheduled it for a couple days later. I loved Dr. Stroker. She was comforting, and lovely, and spoke to me as an equal. She also had a dog named 'Winston' that she brings with her and comforts the patients. Isaac was so wrapped up in getting kisses from the dog I cold have a proper conversation with the doctor. The pup clearly brought him a sense of comfort and fun, because when the doctor explained that he was going to need tubes in his ears, and then showed him what they looked like, he didn't seem the least bit phased by it. I took Isaac for a frozen yogurt on the way home and talked to him a little about the procedure. He was mostly concerned about what the mask looked like, for anesthesia, and wanted to see photos. I am not sure he was buying my 'super hero mask' cover up story, but he also didn't seem anxious or overly concerned. I did explain it would help him have 'super hearing' which was so so important, and I think he too was ready to hear.
On Thursday morning at 6am we headed to the Surgical Center near our house. We bought Isaac a pup to take with him, Doug from the movie 'UP'. It was the perfect distraction and delight for our little boo. Money milk and toots also joined him as we were called into the pr-op area. I could tell at this point Isaac was getting a little nervous, but still was very composed and surprisingly pleasant for a kid who was denied anything to eat that morning. When Dr. Stroker told him it was time go with her, and he realized I couldn't come with, he got upset for the first time, but after a solid hug and a little pep talk he was off. I waited in the waiting room while David ran across with street to Starbucks, and not 8 minutes later the doctor was out and I was allowed to go back. David was still at Starbucks.
The hardest part for Isaac was coming out of anesthesia, he was disoriented, angry, in pain, and a big old mess. It was pretty hard to watch, and I know that both David and I felt very helpless. He complained constantly of having pain in his ears, and 'wanted the tubes out'. After a twenty minute nap, our Isaac returned as if nothing happened. No more complaining, only joy for the treats we had bought him for being so brave, and Bubie who had come for a visit.
And now a few days later there is noticeable improvement. He spent the weekend with my parents at the beach, and when I called him I didn't once get a 'what', only crystal clear conversation back and forth. It was the first time in months I could talk to him on the phone without disruption, and I knew then, it was all worth it.

Our State of the Union

Seeing that tonight is our president's state of the union address, I am inspired to give a brief one to document our current state. I have to say (knock wood) that the Soren's are in a state of equilibrium. For this brief moment in time both kids are in a very good place, seem content, and have started seeing each other as true siblings and playmates.

Isaac has developed a whole knew sense of fierce independence. He is always completely dressed - head to toe- before David and I get out of bed in the morning. He required 'privacy' to do this, and relishes in the opportunity to come marching out in a new wardrobe change. He can play very independently, or with his sister. He is at a stage where he would much prefer to play than to watch tv or a movie. He loves all of his animal 'friends' who are searching for a tiny spot of real estate in his bed. His bedtime is creeping closer to 9, but primarily because he is having big late naps from 2-5. He continues to ask challenging questions and make very astute observations about the world around him. He loves school, and has adapted with very little disruption to his third new teacher, Teacher Ruth.

Coco continues with each day to become more physical. She can pull up on almost anything, cruise furniture (slowly and with caution), climb steps, do a mean downward dog, stand up holding onto someone. She is finding new joy and excitement in her explorations now that she is a very proficient crawler. She is able to jot around the house with ease, and keep up with her lightning fast playmate. She has started both a music and a my gym class, both of which she adores. She is the center of attention in these classes, the social butterfly, and the gal all the little boys are drawn to.

David is working intensely on two very exciting projects. He continues to receive accolades for his directing skills and involvement with his projects. Due to confidentiality I cant leak too much more than that, but I do think this week there will be a big press release after which I can chat all I want. His health has been stable (again knock wood) and hasn't seemed to disrupt any of the amazingness that he is on a daily basis. He has started practicing yoga and seems to be enjoying it very much.

As for me, I am enjoying being in the middle of all that surrounds me. I have been reading like crazy and enjoying almost all of it. Both of my book clubs provide me with rich thought and discussion. Very different in their conception and intention I enjoy them both for such different reasons, and appreciate the women who read along side me and remind me of the importance of continued learning. My yoga practice continues to gain momentum and center me. Hungary Louis has received some exciting accolades soon to be announced. My friends are steady and loving. My family supportive. Lots of feeling very lucky and good about where I am today, on the 25th of January. Life is certainly not without struggles or challenges, but nothing seems insurmountable, or Sisyphean. We are moving forward while taking our own beautiful and unique path with lots of pit stops along the way.

Crawling Forward

Its been a while in the making, but she is on the go. It happened out of the blue, as I knew it would. One day it all just came together, and the desire was there, and off she went. The crawl isn't fast, or particularly elegant, but it is pretty amazing to watch. She is beginning to explore the house little by little, and remind us that all of the time we haven't had to baby proof has been a gift. I am so used to knowing where she is at all times that it has made dealing with Isaac's wild rompings much easier. With both of them on the go, I too am more on the go with a lot more attending to and separating of property.
Her new ability to get around has brought her closer to her brother. It is so fun to watch them interact and begin to play with one and other. It has also brought with it some frustration on Isaac's part. She is definately all up in his business, wants to play with what is is playing with. Pulls apart his puzzles while he is trying to work on them, messes with his cars, goes into his closet and starts pulling out toys or books. His reaction is either one of irritation, or excitement. Depends completely on his mood. Regardless it is the beginning of watch them settle their own going ons, so I have for the most part been sitting back and watching things unravel. In the end I often step in to make sure Coco isn't thrown to the ground, but she is amazingly good at holding her own.

on being four

Its all about the questions. None of them are particularly easy to answer. All of them require some thought and preparation before responding. They are an indication of his growing maturity, curiosity, introspection, and persistence.
Just today we have broached the subjects of both death and money.
He randomly said to me while we were playing on the living room rug, "Mommy I dont want to die". This lead into a large discussion about what death means, when we die, who he knows who is old, who he doesn't want to die. He even mentioned his 'Gramma Joyce'. He told me that she was old, and asked if she was going to die one day. We spoke openly and honestly about it. It was one of the first times that I really felt I could. I also realized that having a child that understands death, is curious about it, is beginning to wrap his head around the idea of it... makes him less a child and more a boy. To know your own mortality is to know your place in this world, at least I think so. It requires him to understand that he will not live forever, that life is a temporary condition, and that we must be careful with our bodies. I have been dreading this conversation for a long time - the death conversation. In that dread I had rehearsed how I would respond. Various explanations, ways of allowing him to understand, relate, without it all seeming so scary or bleak. I didn't want to be taken off guard. I wanted to be prepared. I think we (Isaac and I) did that conversation very proud. I am waiting for the follow up... "Mommy what happens to us after we die". I will start preparing for that one next.
And then of course, money. It started by a simple trip to whole foods where he wanted to buy strawberries. Of course, I only would allow organic strawberries, especially in winter, which cost upward of a zillion dollars, so I explained to Isaac the idea of seasonal produce. Why we are better off purchasing Oranges instead of Strawberries. This lead to a conversation about money. Where do we get it, why daddy goes to work, what cost money, what cost more money. There was without exaggerating over a hundred questions on the subject before the sweet sound of silence flooded my car. And then, as we drove into our driveway several hours later, in very typical Isaac fashion, after it has all had time to marinade, he asked "Mommy does our house cost more than our cars?" And so again I realized, CLICK! It is all coming together for him. All of the synapses are firing at a light speed, and my boy is quickly on his way to becoming something else.
He is four, a big four. Tall for his age. Incredibly articulate. Very mature. An exceptional storyteller. Very much enjoying roll play and dress up. Superheros, cars, trucks. He has become incredibly physical. The park no longer poses any obstacles for him. Mostly he is kind and considerate. Always thinking of his friends. Very prone to making sure others are ok. In love with his sister. Engaged at school, and growing each week with new knowledge. He is finally recognizing all letters, and what sounds they make. He can tell you what most words start with. Is beginning to recognize some basic three letter words. Numbers, not so much.
We are very much at a state of equilibrium. He is loving, pleasant, easy to adore, fun to spend time with, and actually really great to have a conversation with. Isaac observes the world with keen eyes. He has always observed. I love this about him. I love everything about him.
This very little person, this boy, all 38 pounds of him are rich and complex and everything I ever dreamed my child would be. Happy birthday to my beautiful four year old boy who wears his dreams on his sleeve. This year is going to be magical.

Coco is One

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We somehow got here faster than I ever imagined. Only a year later, and my tiny baby is now a little person full of expressions and joy, and very clear about what she likes and doesn't. This first year was not without struggle. But with saying that, I will also say that each milestone was filled with so much more happiness and appreciation. In many ways I have gotten to experience her as a 'baby' for longer than a normally developing child, and the slowness of it all has been a gift knowing this is my last time mothering a 0-12.
I am now seeing the light. She is so close to making all sorts of physical connections. As soon as she can stabilize her pelvis she will be crawling and walking and moving, and I do believe when that happens she will be swift and fierce and something to reckoned with. She is still in therapy twice a week which continues to help. Each day I see improvement and motivation to get going.
Her fine motor is more than fine. She is stacking and putting things in, taking out, playing instruments with intent, eating well, grabbing.
She knows yes and no, and can tell by intonation the difference between a question and a statement. Until recently all food was ending up on the floor, but we have quickly realized if you don't pay attention to her while she is testing that out, it doesn't last. She goes through periods of wanting to eat, and wanting nothing to do with it, and we respect both. I have started weaning her to milk which at first was a disaster, but now seems to be understood and accepted. Yes! This means freedom for mama during her days which I haven't yet figured out what to do with.
Coco weighs about 15 pounds. A tiny babe, but an amazingly beautiful one who is far bigger than her size in so many ways. We have recently bought her shoes to start getting her used to the idea, and she is smitten with them. She loves her little dollhouse, her bus, blocks, rings, cars, trucks, and her big brother.
Coco's one year iron test showed her to be anemic (like mama)and in need of some daily iron drops to help give her the boost she needs.
She is light and warmth and love, and the icing on our lives. How lucky we are to spend each day in her presence, and to learn from her strength, strong will, courage, and determination. I look up to her everyday.
Happy Birthday baby girl.

Eleven

How did we get here? I mean, she has been around forever, or so at least it feels that way... but at the same time, I was just pregnant. My daughter, the fabulous little being that she is, finally feels better. Month 10 was a very tough one with roseola and colds being strung together for several weeks at a time. She just wasn't herself, and all of it made her extremely clingy and needy of mommy. I thought it was separation anxiety, which of course she is dealing with as well, but it was heightened by her just feeling totally under the weather.
Luckily it all cleared up just in time for the supersorens to make an appearance for Halloween, and my little witch was perfection.
In so many ways I feel lucky that Coco's development has been on the slower side. I have been able to enjoy her in each phase a little longer, knowing that all too soon she will be running around and talking back. I do truly know in my heart that this little bit of struggle has already shown her what hard work is, and what it means to fight for something that you want. Shes a tiger, ready and eager to go, and a little lover. A big kiss to my litte miss on the eleventh month of her life.

tootie

I knit this turtle for Isaac when he was still in the womb with no expectation for its future. It was my favorite little knit toy by virtue of its size, simple color palate, and 'cute' factor. This turtle was easy to adore. It wasn't until Isaac was (and now I cant remember exactly when) hmmm... a year and a half old??? that "Mr. Toots" was born, and established as a life long buddy. He seemed to be money milk's side kick, and very soon an essential entity for sleeping, relaxing, an playing around the house. Unlike money milk of which we have many dopplegangers around; in each of our cars, in his bed, at bubies, and a few in locked up vaults around our house and isaac's school emergency earthquake kit, Mr. Toots, or 'tootie' is one of a kind. For years now the sentence 'where is Mr. Toots'? has become a staple around our house and one met with a lot of anxiety when it comes to making sure he is around. When Isaac was two he used to hide toots knowing that the search was a good old time for the whole family. Luckily he has three of four consistent hiding spots that were always the go to in our moments of panic. Recently as his play has become more creative, and as he has ventured into places in the house even we dont know about, Mr. Toots has gone missing for more than an hour or two. This past week was the first night Isaac slept without tootie because we just couldn't find him. After 14 hours, and a tearful mommy, he was located in a secret hiding compartment in Isaac's top bunk. I now have an eye on tootie at all times. He is my third child. He is rarely allowed outside of the house, and is on a tight leash at all times. This little turtle, with its pieces of hanging yarn and two button eyes has become a member of our family, and Isaac's love and devotion for this 'little fella' is only further validation that little homespun creations can change the world.

We've Entered Double Digits

At the Montage, Laguna. Coco 10 months.

How did that happen? Ten months... really? It is hard to believe that Coco is already ten months old. Two teeth later, I think we are finally over the hurdle and have our sweet little girl back. It was so obvious that the teething was really painful for her, and what is more agonizing than watching your child in pain when there is nothing you can do to make her feel better.
We did take a small hiatus to Laguna with Bubie for a couple nights away at the Montage. The original idea was a trip to Vancouver to visit Ros, but in the end we stayed local, and the ease and simplicity of the whole trip was mighty refreshing. Sunset dinner overlooking the Pacific, some time at the spa, a late night swim - completely alone - with the exception of the stars and a acoustic guitarist in an Olympic sized swimming pool, and afternoon at fashion square, an adorable mini down blanket for our little love... it was filled with luxury and accomodation, and all things good. I clearly remember thinking that this was the first of many 'ladies' trips in our future, and in the same moment feeling thankful for taking the opportunity to start the ritual now. We can never get this time back.
Coco is so close to moving and grooving. She has been transitioning between sitting and her tummy. She is trying to push towards objects, but ends up pushing herself farther away which leads to the obvious frustration. She is scooting around on her tush, and waving up a storm. Coco can now stand supported for long periods playing with objects on a table or surface. She is an amazingly good eater, and seems delighted to try new things. It has been fun going to restaurants, family of four, now that she is in a highchair and part of the gang. She will sit for long periods entertained by her food and company. It is a good age. One I just love.
Therapy continues, we have one more session at the clinic and then we will be two times a week at home. I have no idea if it is making any difference, but it isn't hurting, so for now we will stick with it. The most important thing is that there is continuous progress that is exciting and new, and that she is of course, the most amazing little person.

Letter 'D' and other new developments...

Isaac has been consistently uninterested in learning his letters. It has always seemed like a chore, and for this reason we have never pushed it. We figured when he was ready he would show interest, and it would just come. In the meantime he has excelled at so many other things, that it has been facsinating to watch how a little person comes to be. His love for music and storytelling, his social prowess and ability to communicate with very clear speech and articulation, his fine motor and drawing, his MEMORY. These things consistently surprise us and make us smile.
We have just started team two at discovery school, and Isaac is in Teacher Martha's class. At this week's back to school night she shared with us some of the goals for learning this year, and how her teaching philosophy was centered around learning through play. They were going to learn social skills, responsibility, emotions, how to be 'kind' people, gross motor skills, fine motor skills (cutting was stressed), and then of course the alphabet and numbers. Martha spoke about the letter of the week, and how each week she would be focusing on a different letter and learning about it a myriad of different ways. This week was letter 'D'. As we were driving to school this week Isaac asked me if I knew any words that started with the letter 'D', and before I could respond he said, 'I DO'... dog, doll, drum, doctor, dentist, diamond, dinosaur, dragon, and continued from there. Then came the " A big 'D' looks like a stick with a half circle and a small 'd' looks like a stick with a little tushie. Mommy 'D' says da, an de. Every day since he is talking about D, recognizing it, and excited to know it. It is the first time I have seen him learn something academic at preschool, and yet again i am reminded he is growing up.
Coco too is growing each day. This month as Isaac has started school she has gotten sick several times. He is a wonderful carrier of all sorts of germs that she seems to catch. Two colds, pink eye, and a very fussy baby later I think we are on the mend, but it is no fun watching her struggle through it.
She loves to stand, is starting to repeat sounds like 'Cat' and 'Dada' she has the clapping down and is starting to wave more consistently. She has just started to transition from sitting over to hands and knees to belly. I never thought she would crawl but it looks like she just may.

Nine Months, and reflecting on our recent trip.

She has officially been in the outside world as long as she was incubating inside of me. That would make it eighteen months since this whole journey began. There have been so many changes this month. She started the month by mastering eating solids. She cant get enough. She takes handfuls of food at a time and seems to enjoy everything she is eating. She loves having slices of pizza, and toast. All small pieces of food are game as well as her pincer grasp is getting better each day. Her physical development has been fun to watch. We took a big trip to Toronto this month that seemed to have awaken her physical being. She is rolling back and forth and around the room, she is sitting and reaching, going in circles on her tummy. All movement is slow and thought out, but there is movement and desire to play and grasp objects. Some memory highlights of the trip:::
-Watching her roll all around the cottage floor for the first time.
-Her first swing.
- Watching her clap when asked for the first time.
-Taking both kids in paddle boats, canoes, moater boats.
-Taking Isaac on a tube ride.
-Water skiing.
-Ice cream with Isaac in a tiny Muskoka town.
-Sleeping next to Isaac for the first time ever.
-Taking engagement photos for Leila and Diggy
-Seeing how comfortable Isaac was staying at Barb and Paul's house.
-Brunch at Uncle Andrews.
-Watching Isaac play with all of his older cousins.

Most things find their way into her mouth, and she is transferring objects from one had to another (a big milestone apparently). She loves to stand and is getting steadier on her legs. She is clapping and waving and very good with her feet. She is starting to make a connection between the spoken word and the object, occasionally pointing to my 'nose' or 'mouth' when asked. Wiggling her toes when they are spoken about. More than anything she is so darn cute. Truly (i know cliche) the baby I would guess most parents dream of. In perfect honesty, even Isaac was more difficult than Coco and he was a dream baby. She is a love in every way imaginable. She has started with some separation anxiety, holding her hands out to mommy, not wanting to be passed off to others. This is often when she is tired or when I have been in and out all day. She loves and wants her mommy, and the feeling couldn't be more mutual. She loves books and being read to, is starting to really enjoy blocks, stacking, putting things in and out. She is grasping well. Now in terms of crawling...hmmm.. we seem a ways a way. The therapist thinks she would be more likely to skip crawling and go straight to walking, but thinks its very important that she crawl to build the strength in her arms. We are working on it, as it is the main focus in therapy and in constructive play around here. Coco now knows how to flip onto her back in an instant so it is hard to get any tummy time out of her, but we have sneaky ways of getting her on her hands and knees. It will be a big and interesting month to come.


9 Month Stats

14lb 8oz lb (3rd%)

26.5" (20%)

Little Swimmer

Thinking back to last year, Isaac was terrified of the water. Just getting him in the pool was a feat in itself. We have a pool in very close proximity to our house so I knew that learning to swim was a safety issue, and something that was not optional. After searching for what I thought would be the best swimming program for him we found the Water Whisperer and signed him up. After ten thirty minute sessions he was comfortable in the water, able to put his head under, and happy to play.
Jump to this summer, there was some regression although we weren't back to square one. I knew some additional swimming lessons were in order so I signed him up for another two weeks with the teacher he adored last year, Brando. Two weeks later he was so incredibly close to swimming, just missing the last step, popping up for air. I decided to sign up for an additional two weeks, and although it was a huge drag to have to drive back and forth every day for a month, we have a little swimmer on our hands. He is jumping in on his own, swimming to the side, diving for toys. He can comfortably swim the length of the pool, flip onto his back and float, and for the first time I feel comfortable that he would absolutely be able to find his way to the edge if he fell in. We can sit outside the pool and he can swim and play. It has been a joy to watch his confidence soar with the addition of these new skills. He seems to have a genuine love for swimming and the water and can spend long periods of time in the pool occupying himself.